Midnight Bottle
by sdbubbles
Summary: She drinks to ease her pain, but desparately wished her memories were her reality. Where do memories end and reality begin?


**A/N: This is anther slightly random one, written, as usual, at around midnight. Maybe that where it came from.**

**Anyway, the song is "Midnight Bottle" by Colbie Caillat.**

**Sarah x**

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><p><em>Midnight bottle, take me calmly through my memories<br>__And everything will come back to me  
><em>_Midnight bottle, make it real, what feels like make believe  
><em>_So I can see a little more clearly  
><em>_Like every single move you make  
><em>_Kissing me so carefully  
><em>_On the corners of my dreaming eyes_

Jenny Shepard was in her office, late at night, drinking more bourbon than she knew was healthy. It took her back to when she was happy. Every memory was relived, the good and the few bad ones. But, back then, even the bad situation turned out alright. It was flooding back now. She knew that the alcohol was to blame, but she didn't stop drinking it. She just looked over the memories again and again, missing everything she saw. Everything she had managed to throw away.

It felt a fantasy to think about these things now. She had not spent time with Jethro under pleasant circumstances for weeks, maybe months. They had not stayed the night together for years. But the whiskey made it feel like she really was there again and, although it hurt like hell, she was thankful she could walk through her memories. It made her see exactly what was happening to her.

The effects of the bourbon started to come through. Her vision was blurring at the edges, but still she poured another glass. It was helping her remember, washing her mind of anything unconnected to her relationship with Gibbs.

_I've got a midnight bottle, gonna drink it down  
><em>_A one way ticket takes me to the times we had before  
><em>_When everything felt so right  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_A midnight bottle, gonna ease my pain  
><em>_From all these feelings driving me insane  
><em>_I think of you and everything's alright  
><em>_If only for tonight_

As she swallowed, and the liquid burned the back of her throat, she looked back on the Parisian markets she wandered with Gibbs. They had walked around, telling stories and laughing and poking fun at each other. They had eaten from the fresh food stands, Jenny crunching apples as they went around. In the end, Gibbs had taken them from her because she was going to make herself ill with the number she had eaten. That was what she missed.

She missed the feeling of safety she ah when with him. Though, physically, he was more than capable of overpowering her, she had trusted that he would not bring her to any harm. She had trusted that he would protect her. She still did trust him, but it just didn't feel the same as being in his arms at night. Tonight, and only tonight, she could feel that security again.

The pain of the burning liquid in her gullet seemed to take away some of the raw emotions she was harbouring. The crazy feelings were still there, though. She still wanted him and she still needed him, but it was less painful than before she had opened her bottle of amber liquid. She saw his face in her mind and she was able to think again, for just a few hours.

_Got a midnight bottle  
><em>_Drifting off into the candlelight  
><em>_Where I can find you any old time  
><em>_Midnight bottle, I forgot how good it felt to be  
><em>_In a dream, just like you had me  
><em>'_Cause lately I've been stumbling  
><em>_Feels like I'm recovering  
><em>_But I think it's only for tonight_

She was turning drowsy in the dim light of the office when she heard the footsteps draw up to the office. The offending feet did not enter, but remained in position next to the door. She could find him at any time she wanted, in he back of her mind. He was always there, with his bright blue eyes and hard yet caring features. He never left her mind.

She had forgotten what it was to in the state of mind where the boundaries between reality and uncertainty were blurred. She was doubting whether there really was someone at her door. The hour was unreasonable for anyone but her and a couple of others to be at work, so the chances that it was real were slim.

She return to her reverie, recalling the past six months. She had been staggering through the days with little notion of what she was doing to herself and to others. She had somehow allowed Tony to fall in love with a girl who he could not be with. Why didn't he stop the mission when she saw how attached he was becoming to the girl? But she felt like her decisions were a little more reliable, but she knew that feeling would be gone by morning.

_I've got a midnight bottle, gonna drink it down  
><em>_A one way ticket takes me to the times we had before  
><em>_When everything felt so right  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_A midnight bottle, gonna ease my pain  
><em>_From all these feelings driving me insane  
><em>_I think of you and everything's alright  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_Oh, if only for tonight  
><em>_If only for tonight_

She drank and she remembered and she heard the feet move toward her again. Then had to be real. She still had not looked around to identify the visitor, partly because she did not particularly care who it was at that moment. She was lost in memories and times gone by, wishing that was her reality. She wished that it was all simple again.

She took another deep drink and filled the tumbler. Again. The burn in her throat replaced the one in her heart, just for tonight. Her mind dredged up Gibbs' face and she felt fractionally better, just for a little while.

_I've got a midnight bottle, gonna drink it down  
><em>_A one way ticket takes me to the times we had before  
><em>_When everything felt so right  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_A midnight bottle, gonna ease my pain  
><em>_From all these feelings driving me insane  
><em>_I think of you and everything's alright  
><em>_If only for tonight  
><em>_Yeah, midnight bottle  
><em>_Take the time away  
><em>_From where we are_

She went to take another deep drink, but a large rough hand caught her own before the glass reached her mouth. Huh. The footsteps _were_ real, then. "Enough, Jen," a deep male voice said. "Enough." She knew now who it was. The only other agent in the building with nothing better to do with their Friday night than to stay at work while their friends went out and had fun.

She looked up and her eyes slowly focused on the face in front of her. The blue eyes met her green ones and looked into the with concern. He knew as well as she did that this wasn't healthy for her body or mind. Well, what was left of her mind. She permitted him to lead her to the sofa and stretch her across it. Maybe she wouldn't need her pain relief now. Her feelings were confused; part of her told her this was a very bad idea and that letting him could only result in pain, while the other told her that this was what she wanted the whole time anyway.

She felt Jethro's leg under her head and his hand in her hair, soothing her to sleep. With the amount she had drunk, she would fall into sleep soon. He bent down and kissed Jenny gently on the lips, telling her to sleep, that he would still be there when she woke up. She believed him; he only made a promise if he could keep it. This was what she'd wanted, and her bourbon-induced memories were no substitute for the reality that's he was vaguely aware she was in. She would know if she woke the next morning with her head on his lap…

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><p><strong>Hope it was alright!<strong>

**Please review!**

**Sarah x**


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